Cullen Mayhem!
by mrsjaspercullen14
Summary: 1 year after breaking dawn, the Cullens are all starting a new school in Alaska. Pretty much just a mockery of a few annoying teachers at my school. What will the Cullen get up to? Enjoy!Rated M for possible later storylines and language.


**This is just a short fanfic of a day at school for the Cullens, a year or so after breaking dawn. It's also mixed with a complete mockery of a few of the teachers at my school, except I changed their name cause if I ever got caught doing this I'd be dead. So...enjoy!**

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**Chapter 1 - English**

**EmPOV**

Ah, Monday morning. You'd think anyone would be bored of going to school for more than a hundred years, but not me. Everyday holds new surprises, new tricks, and new teachers to be mocked. Today, I could just tell was going to be a good day.

My 'brothers and sisters' and I were about to start a new school again, in Alaska. We hadn't been to a school since Eddie had gotten Bella up the schizz and killed her. He's more like me than I thought.

"EMMETT!" Edward roared down the hall. Oops! Forgot he could read minds. Stupid eavesdropping no-longer-virgin 100 year old Bella-killer. "Emmett, stop that stupid internal monologue you have going on inside your stupid head and get your ass down here! We're leaving!" I don't need telling twice.

Edward rolled his eyes at me as I raced out the door and scooped up Rose and kissed her passionately. Mmmm, she tasted good. I think she had herself some grizzly last night. Edward rolled his eyes again and took Bella's hand. Bella and Edward were taking Edward's Volvo while the rest of us were entering in style in my big bad jeep.

"So Em, I see some interesting stuff happening today..." Alice giggled. I smiled a little even though I didn't know what I was going to do yet. "Let's just say that after today, the Cullen name is going to go down in history at this school." Edward called from the other car, again reading my thoughts. Sometimes I think he does it because he can't read Bella's and mines are always the second horniest after her. I could hear Edward choking when he read that. Tee hee.

We got to the school in record time thanks to my macho-man driving skills. The parking lot was empty 'cause it was still early and no humans were here yet. The six of us entered the small front office and when the secretary lady saw how hot we all are she nearly fell off her chair. I flashed her a dazzling smile, "Hi. We're the Cullens, we're here to pick up our schedules." The woman quickly composed herself and printed off our schedules and maps of the school.

We all left the office quietly and when we were alone in the still deserted parking lot we compared our timetables. We discovered that we are all in the same classes all day. I'm getting excited now, today's gonna be so awesome!!

**30 mins later**

The school had filled up with students now and as I expected, we were all getting a lot of stares, especially me because I am the hottest guy ever. I heard Edward mutter 'cocky much' with my vamp hearing but I let it slide. He's just jealous 'cause he doesn't have as much muscle as me.

The bell rang and we all hurried towards our first class which is...*I checks timetable*... English. Yay(!) Another fun class filled with corny Shakespeare quotes and shit like that. Then again, Emmett Cullen could make any subject interesting.

The teacher's name is Mrs Smith and she keeps reminding us that she is the teacher just because Alice corrected her once when she was wrong. I wonder if she's any relation to those dudes from that movie....

"Okay, settle class!" She yelled over all the hubbub. Tee hee, I love that word. Of course nobody listened and continued chatting away. Alice burst out laughing, obviously having seen something funny happening. I will wait and see what it is myself.

"QUIET!" She yelled at the top of her bloody lungs. Ow, that made my ears hurt. Then she started ranting, "Bloody children...have to deal with this every day....back in my day...respected our elders....BOLD BOLD BOLD!"

"Now shut up and someone give me a piece of alliteration.

I put my hand in the air and she glared at me which I took to mean 'you'. "Bold, Bold, Bold." I smiled. Everyone around me burst out laughing but I kept a straight face and looked her right in the eye. I watched as her face went from white, to red, to blue, to purple, and the same all over again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice whispering to Jasper, and then he started sending out calming waves around the classroom. The laughing students calmed themselves and Mrs Smith's face returned to its original colour. The fun has begun.

Mrs Smith turned on an old TV and we sat and watched Romeo and Juliet for about the hundredth time, while she sat muttering to herself at her desk. It got to the part where they had just slept together and Leonardo DiCaprio was lying naked on the bed. Ah, he has one sweet ass.

"If I didn't hear you with Rose every night, I'd be so sure that you're gay." Edward muttered from behind me. Bi-atch, oh he did not just say that.

"I'm not the one who didn't lose their virginity 'til I was a hundred and nine." I retorted. The others laughed.

Everyone in the class was giggling now at the nakedness and just to piss the teacher off I joined in. He was naked behind her and she didn't even notice. No doubt that if she did realise she'd have fast forwarded it.

She gazed behind her to see what everyone was laughing at and sure enough she jumped up to turn it off so that our 'innocent' eyes would not see anymore. Of course the whole class was peeing themselves laughing now.

She fast forwarded the movie and the class went on.

The class was halfway through before anything else really happened again. Alice seemed to decide it was time to put her vision from earlier into action. She got up out of her seat, and went to the window. She yanked it open and the teacher turned from the board. She screamed. "What the hell are you doing child?! Get away from that window at once! You could fall out!"

Alice turned towards her confused and fake-innocent. "But miss, it's really warm in here; I was just letting some air in." I burst out laughing. How could Ali possibly not have been related to me when we were alive?

The rest of the class joined in the laughter and she glared at me again. I smiled back. The bell rang and everyone rushed out before she could fly off the handle at them.

The six of us walked down the corridor, Alice and I giving each other a huge high five on the way to our second class.

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**I know it's short, but how do you like so far? I'll try to bring the other characters in more in the next few chapters. I swear that the bold bold bold thing is true, as is the taking a spaz because someone opened a window thing, as is the Romeo and Juliet naked scene thing. She turned it off right before we could see any front things though. We were all very disappointed. A guy in my class also signed their work as 'Travis McDonald' The old UTV news presenter guy once. Ah, we had good times in that class... **

**Review or I write no more cause i'm wicked like that. Next chapter will either be art or irish. Which do you want first? Review!!**


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